'The Next Step Is Out The Door': Angelina's Marriage Is In Trouble On Jersey Shore

If a "dog sh*t" sex life is any indication, there could be trouble brewing in Staten Island between several not-so-newlyweds.


Barely each year soon after their wedding (the first one, not the Las Vegas re-do), all signs point to Angelina and Chris riding the struggle bus. Tonight's Jersey Shore: Family member Vacation premiere saw Angelina admitting to the ladies over an elegant plate of charcuterie that she hasn't exactly been smushing with her husband.


"Our sex life is nonexistent at this point, and I don't know if we can get the spark back in our relationship," she told Deena and JWOWW. "I'm not the most brilliant spouse ever. I'll yell at him and belittle him some days. I feel like we're both wrong, although visualize how I'm admitting that to you? He won't ever admit that he's wrong."


Shortly before Christmas, headlines hit the fan with rumors swirling that Chris was looking to remove his dirty little hamster tattoo, a homage to Angelina's infamous cab shart that coincided with her Jersey Shore return.


Finally, soon after "rumblings in the streets about Angeliners," Mike initiated a low-key categorize therapy session in the form of a virtual pizza party on Zoom -- where it was revealed that Chris had "moved out like six times."


Cue Mike: "For your hubby to be moving out of your home six times? That's wild. The next step is out the door."


The Sitch really got concerned about his roommate immediately after even more drama surfaced, including the dreaded D-word.


"This is just next level," he mentioned. "Just as soon as we thought that everything was good from the [wedding] re-do, it's not."


Temporarily trading daddy prep for detective status, the ever-selfless BDS got down to firm for his "secret project" — with a bulletin board, a Sharpie, and printouts of various tabloid articles and social media posts surrounding the couple.


"So it starts. There's so much intelligence coming in from the streets, from social media about Angeliner's relationship falling apart," Mike explained. "All signs lead to a toxic relationship right now...I have to put all these pieces of the puzzle with each other so that maybe I can attempt to aid her at the end of the day."


It's no secret that Mike has helped a lot of people, including playing an integral part in mending fences immediately after speechgate — yet can he fix a potentially damaged marriage? Comment with your thoughts, then watch it go down next Thursday at 8/7c.