Louis Tomlinson Got Real About Hitting 'Rock Bottom' After Losing His Mom And Sister

These last a couple of many years have been exceedingly tough for Louis Tomlinson. In 2016, the One Direction star's mother, Johannah Deakin, died right after a long battle with Leukemia. This past March, his sister Félicité died of an accidental overdose. Understandably, Tomlinson needed time to process and grieve before returning to the spotlight. And soon after releasing his new single, "Kill My Mind," earlier this month, the singer opened up to The Guardian about those painful deaths for the opening time and why they've influenced his music and life, in general.


In the interview, Tomlinson talked candidly about "Two of Us" — a song he wrote immediately following the death of his mother — and how releasing such a raw and emotional song about their relationship was so key to him. Right after I lost my mum, every song I wrote felt, not pathetic, although that it lacked true meaning to me," he mentioned. "I felt that, as a songwriter, I wasn't going to move on up until I'd written a song like that."


For the initial time, Tomlinson wasn't writing a song with the aspiration that it would quickly climb up the pop charts. Alternatively, he was writing from a place of grief, and the method of making "Two of Us" was not only personalized, however therapeutic. "It was like the song I habitually wished I'd written," he mentioned. "I went in and put my personalized touch to the verses. It was a real moment for me in my grief, and as piece of the creative process, because it felt like it was hanging over me."


Right now, Tomlinson feels that all the darkness he's been through has only made him stronger. "It sounds ridiculous to mention, nevertheless it gives me strength everywhere else in my life, because that's the darkest shit that I'm going to have to deal with," he mentioned. "So it makes everything else, not feel easier and not much less crucial, although, in the grand scheme of things, you visualize things for what they are, I suppose."


additionally "being to be able to see the glass half-full," Tomlinson doesn't want people to feel sorry for him. "That’s not how I feel for myself," he mentioned, adding that everything he's been through somehow "fuels" him to do better. "There's no time for me to be sat feeling sorry for myself. I have been to rock bottom and I feel like, whichever my career's going to throw in front of me, it's going to be nothing as big or as emotionally heavy as that. So, weirdly, I've turned something that's really dark into something that empowers me, makes me stronger."


Still, Tomlinson is aware that the loss of his mother and sister wasn't just hard on him, although on his fans, also. "We’ve been through some dark times with each other and those things I've Been through, they carry a weight, emotionally, on the fans as well," he mentioned. Although even right now, he's stunned by all the loving messages from fans while in that very dark time. "I felt their love and support," he mentioned. "I remember really clearly Once I lost my mum, that support was angry As a result, Tomlinson feels closer to fans than ever before. "So several people have bullshitted about what they feel about the fans," he mentioned. Yet they're like family member to me."