In His Vulnerable New Memoir, Common Examines Cycles of Violence and Trauma

By Michell C. Clark


For the greater segment of his decades-long career, Typical has prioritized love. The South Side Chicago native debuted with his album, Can I Borrow A Dollar?, in 1992, and has since built a discography that speaks to how he seeks to apply love for himself, his romantic partners, his culture, and the world.


He has used an extended romantic metaphor to deliver poignant commentary on the state of hip-hop (“I Used To Love H.E.R.,”1994), released a heartfelt love letter to his then-girlfriend, Erykah Badu (“The Light,” 2000), and rapped about what self-love means to him, and why he seeks to love his daughter (“Be,” 2005). “Glory,” his 2015 Grammy Award-winning group effort with John Legend from the Selma soundtrack, discussed to the collective love required to win the fight against civil injustice.


It should come as no surprise that Common’s new memoir, Let Love Have The Last Word, which debuted on May 7 through the Atria Books, provides a window into how he strives to increase a deeper understanding of love for both himself and other people. Fittingly, the book focuses on the meaning and application of love via lens of a student, without positioning the artist and author’s perspective as authoritative or exceptional. In one of the book’s first passages, he introduces himself by his government name: “My name is Rashid, and I don't necessarily know more about love than you do.”


“I want the book to touch and inspire people, and to begin conversations around topics that we normally don’t discuss,” Regular told MTV News at a recent roundtable discussion. Those topics include his experience being molested as a child, navigating abandonment issues stemming from his father’s absence, and his instinct to be defensive any time his daughter questioned his love for her. It’s through such candor that Normal is able to use his life as a car for exploring the core tenets of love.


“Letting love have the last word is about asking how we can apply love to defeat the times that we’re in, and why we can heal from wounds we’ve sustained in the past,” he explains. For him, that includes using self-reflection as a tool to strengthen bonds with other people as well. “After I’ve worked on self-love, how do I go about loving others? How do I construct a higher class of relationship with my daughter? How can I be a friend, a higher class son, and also a higher class of listener?”


“When I mention, ‘Let love have the last word,’ I’m saying that we need to operate with love at the forefront of our minds, and in the back of our minds,” he adds. “I think we can and should create happiness for each other because times have been heavy for a lot of us as of late.”


Any time the book debuted, readers and the media alike instantly latched onto one specific story in its narrative, in which Regular discloses his trauma of being molested while on a family member vacation as a young boy. He notes that he had pushed the memories of what occurred so deep into the recesses of his mind that he didn’t remember anything up until decades later, if he was talking by means of the script for The Tale, which unpacks a story of sexual violence. He specifics the shame and shock that he felt right following the incident took place, nevertheless wrote about the story in the dialogue of forgiveness: “I wish to be a person who supports the break cycles of violence and trauma. I forgive [the boy who molested me].”


Common told MTV News that he shared his molestation story publicly group in attempt to help people like him who carry the weight and shame of similar experiences. (Black children are three times more likely to be victims of announced child abuse or neglect than their white counterparts.) “As a Black man, I felt like I need to tell the story for other people — specifically for men who've experienced some form of molestation and are afraid to talk about it,” he says. “Our culture doesn’t give us the possibility to talk about these sort of things, or to be vulnerable.”


While the method of sharing such traumatic moments with others can be intimidating and triggering, Typical noticed that his willingness to share has afterward helped others with similar experiences to open up about their stories as well. Beginning public reactions to Let Love Have The Last Word recommend that Common’s give attention to authentic storytelling resonates with several people for a collection of reasons.


Actor Terry Crews, who shared the story of his own sexual assault in 2017, applauded Common’s candor on Twitter: “Incredible vulnerability, even more incredible strength,” he wrote. An attendee at Common’s D.C. Book reading expressed gratitude for Common’s willingness to make more possibilities for Black boys to have conversations about love and mental health.


Common noted that since the book’s release, close companions have confided in him about being molested in the past. He admitted to having no idea that other people in his life could have the ability to relate to what he went through.


While in the book, Regular uses his vulnerabilities to facilitate introspection, and afterward shares his actionable thoughts with readers in a relatable way. In one notable anecdote, he speaks about learning from those around him, including his 21-year-old daughter, Omoye, who once admitted to him that she wasn’t sure whether or not he cared about her. Upon hearing this from her, Regular acknowledges that his first instinct was to be defensive, however understands right now that it was more critical to understand the way she felt than to refute her perspective.


“She led the way by acknowledging that we had to get some peace for ourselves — because it would have been even more painful to have spoken about it publicly before we noticed our peace,” he says right now. His openness about their situation isn’t exploitative; alternatively, it heals. Regular noted that since the book release, he’s had conversations with a few mothers and fathers who appreciated his honesty. And writing about his interactions with Omoye has strengthened their relationship: “She feels like she’s been heard,” he added.


Regular also explores his previous romantic relationships in Let Love Have The Last Word, and what he’s learned about himself from them, which includes what he calls “intimacy avoidance” — the instinct to run away from a partnership once he felt the other person needed more from him than he was comfortable giving at the time.


“I had to ask myself how I could not repeat that same pattern,” he admits right now. “I ended up finding myself in a higher class of place through therapy and getting closer to God on my own. I’m learning myself more. I feel that I’m able to love in a healthier way. I communicate better in love, and I like it more. I’m doing my best to stay true to who I am.”


While a significant segment of Let Love Have The Last Word is really interested in Common’s inner monologue, he credits his time in therapy for equipping him to increase a deeper understanding of how he can apply love to every facet of his life. “Sometimes you have to talk with somebody who doesn’t have any stake in the scenario. As soon as they’re not personally attached they can give you real suggestions without a motive,” he told MTV News. Therapy has been liberating force in his life, equipping him to let go of wounds he had been subconsciously carrying for decades. In turn, it helped him become a more whole person in his relationships — both romantic and platonic.


As a gentleman of faith, Regular believes that his relationship with God and his commitment to therapy go hand in hand. “I believe that God works through good therapists, and I’ve discussed about God with therapists throughout sessions,” he says. “I feel like therapy is God at work. I feel like Jesus was a therapist. He was teaching people, and giving them wisdom that they needed.”


The sincerity and truthfulness that courses through Let Love Have the Last Word wasn’t won overnight, though; Normal grew more comfortable with embracing public vulnerability as he continued to write the memoir. That commitment required a level of honesty that he had not previously explored through his music or writing, and though he knew that this degree of vulnerability would come with risks, he determined that the possibility of assisting people was worth it.


Typical appears to be adjusting just fine to the shock of diving into this new level of openness. Case in point, he finds the transition to be emancipatory. “I worked on myself to the point that I’m okay with being this vulnerable,” he added. “There’s freedom in that. There’s freedom in knowing exactly who you are.”


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