How To Support Sexual Violence Survivors While Social Distancing

By Keeli Sorensen

Soon after someone sexually assaulted her while in her first year of college, Hannah Rad — a Los Angeles-based TV host, DJ, and member of RAINN’s Speakers Bureau, a network of more than 3,500 survivors of sexual violence who volunteer to share their stories — didn’t feel like she may talk about it. Not only were there no resources for survivors on her campus, yet she was worried about what people would think and why they’d react if she told them. Dealing with the trauma of the assault was hard to bear alone, yet the fear of what might happen if she told someone felt even scarier.

So she kept it to herself.

“Throughout my 20s it was this secret,” Rad mentioned in an interview with RAINN last year. “Not a day went by that I didn’t imagine it — whether I wanted to or not. It was habitually in the back of my mind; I was never sure if I should tell someone, how and any time to tell them, and why they would react.”

This secret affected every piece of her life, making it hard for her to keep friendships. “It was constant anxiety and also a paralyzing fear of being completely honest,” she mentioned. “I couldn’t trust anyone, and would push companions away once we began to get close.”

Since sharing her story, she has noticed healing and support from her companions. “I’m in a much healthier state physically and emotionally than I’ve ever been,” Rad mentioned, calling her network a “constant source of motivation, inspiration, and positivity.”

Rad and several other survivors find healing through sharing their stories, however some may never feel comfortable talking about what happened, or they might only feel comfortable talking with some people. And that’s OK, too.

It’s very normal for survivors of sexual violence to feel that they can’t talk about it, some days especially with those closest to them. The fear of how a loved one might react or how it might affect the relationship can be a major barrier to disclosing what someone did to them. And as you could imagine — or might have experienced yourself — feeling alone and silenced makes it hard to begin healing.

The reality is, most companions and family member wish to help — however they just don’t know how. Looking out for companions and loved ones can really make the distinction. That’s why this Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month, RAINN is focusing on the critical role of loved ones in supporting survivors.

This April, in particular, is a stressful and hard time for all of us as we navigate what it means to live, work, and be segment of communities throughout the COVID-19 crisis. Creating community and issuing support for the survivors in your life is as critical as ever — especially given that the disruption to a usual routine and support system can be challenging for anyone, let alone those who are healing from trauma. For survivors who experience high levels of stress, anxiety, or depression as a result of their trauma, this may be a particularly hard time, and for those who are quarantined with an abuser, the support and safety of companions and family member is crucial.

How to Show Your Support Once Someone Discloses

Whether someone you love has told you about their experience already, or you just wish to be prepared for the potential moment that someone does, taking the time to proactively learn how to support a survivor can make all of the distinction. Once the time comes, it’s critical to remember how to “TALK,” whether you’re looking to support a friend, significant other, roommate, or family member member:

Thank them for telling you. Acknowledge how hard it might be to talk about this kind of trauma. Showing your appreciation for their trust from the get-go will help make them feel more comfortable in this challenging conversation.

Ask how you could will assist. Even though your first instinct may be attempt to jump into problem-solving mode, it’s essential to let a survivor make their own choices about what to do next. You don’t have to have all of the answers — you just have to listen and let them know that you are there for them to help in any way they need.

Listen without judgment. It’s common to have reactions like anger or shock any time once you hear someone you care about has been hurt. Nevertheless some days those reactions can make a survivor feel like they are accountable for your emotions, which might discourage them from sharing their story.

Keep supporting. Healing takes time, and it’s critical that survivors have the continuous support and love they deserve while in this process. Every survivor’s healing journey is a unique process, so continued care will look different for every person. Keep checking in with them and reach out to let them know you’re there.

How you respond to survivors’ stories also matters, whether that’s in person or on social media. Believing someone even any time once you don’t know them personally, and showing solidarity in case you could, goes a long way in helping someone decide whether they feel comfortable disclosing to you.

Practice Bystander Intervention — from Afar

Once we talk about bystander intervention, it’s typically to describe watching out for your companions at a party, making sure someone gets residence safely or noticing whenever someone around you can would be at risk.

Yet several of our communities — including school campuses — have moved online, bystander intervention is as essential as ever. By checking in with people consistently, you could keep an eye out for warning signs of abuse by an intimate partner or family, or online sexual harassment and abuse.

certainly, you have to routinely think about whether reaching out to someone could set off retaliation from the person abusing them. You could also brainstorm strategies for reaching out safely and supporting someone experiencing intimate partner violence — learn more here.

Remember Self-Care

It’s usual to have a complicated time processing sexual assault, especially if it happened to you or someone care about. In case you experience heavy emotions as you accompany someone in their healing process, give yourself space to experience them, practice self-care, and find healthy outlets to process.

If you're attempting to be there for a survivor in your life, be additional kind to yourself — especially at a time like this. It might be hard to juggle your own feelings with the needs of someone you care about. The critical part is that you're trying. Through your support and by telling others in your life about how to TALK with a survivor, you could can assist ensure no survivor has to feel alone.

Keeli Sorensen is the vice president of victim services at RAINN, the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence corporation, where she provides calculated and operational leadership to the National Sexual Assault Hotline, the Department of Defense’s Safe Helpline, and more than 20 other hotlines that RAINN operates for public and private sector clients.

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, help is obtainable. You could call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE, visit online.Rainn.Org, or access the RAINN Friends and Family member Toolkit.